Thank goodness blogging is not my full-time job because I would currently be broke and living on the street. I definitely peaked with my second post, forgot how to be witty, and then just became too lazy to write any new posts since Labor Day. I haven’t done much baking. In fact I’ve only baked one thing, which I’ll get to in a minute. Instead, my life can be summed up in one picture:
Ok, two pictures.
Unfortunately, this pup and I have a lot in common:
Speaking of puppies, my most recent baking attempt was for my dear fur niece, Hazel! She turned one last week and her birthday party (yes, her birthday party) was in dire need of a cake. My initial plan was to make a “dog friendly” cake…aka super bland with chopped up hot dogs. But, then what would I eat??? I’ve been known to eat some pretty questionable things (mainly when I turn into a drunken scavenger), but I definitely draw the line at dog food. And no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to write another post involving Funfetti. So, what did I come up with?
Adapted from Foodie with Family whose cake looks a lot prettier than mine
For the cake:
- 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
- 1 1/2 cups cake flour
- 1 Tbs baking powder
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 Tbs cinnamon
- 2 sticks butter, softened
- 1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
- 4 large eggs, room temp
- 1 Tbs vanilla extract
- 1 1/4 cups milk, room temp (I used skim)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter and flour two round cake pans. Don’t ask me how to do this correctly because once I buttered the pans, I threw on a handful of flour and attempted to sift it around the pans. Too bad I ended up sifting the flour all over myself and my counter.
Cut up your butter and drop it in your mixer.
Add in the sugar and cream together until light and fluffy. While you wait, whisk together your flours, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon in a mixing bowl.
Once your butter and sugar are creamed and fluffy, add in your eggs one at a time, waiting until each egg is fully incorporated before cracking the next one. Beat in the vanilla and make sure the sides of your bowl are scraped down. Your batter will look like fresh egg custard. Clearly I have to taste it every step of the way, and I must say I wanted to eat this entire bowl. Mental note: butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla make one amazing treat.
Add in about 1/3 of the milk, beat until incorporated, add in 1/3 of the flour mixture, beat to incorporate. Continue this two more times. For someone who has zero patience when it comes to
life baking, I’m surprised that I followed these steps and didn’t just throw everything in at once. I think it’s because her royal highness, Diane Hazel wouldn’t dare eat something sloppily made. HA, I kid. She eats poop, she better like this cake.
Make sure the sides of your bowl are scraped down and everything is fully mixed together. Taste batter once again. Then twice again. Then once more for good measure.
Divide the batter evenly between the two cake pans. Place in oven for 35 minutes or until knife comes out clean. Since my oven is on the smaller side, the cake pans had to go on two different shelves. Halfway through the pans swapped shelves in the oven.
My cakes were surprisingly done on time and came out of their pans faster than I come out of my pants on a Saturday night. Drop cakes on a cooling rack. Remind yourself that they are going to soon be covered in icing and break off a piece of one of the sides. Then when you flip them over, eat some of the top layers. Eat some more and tell yourself you are doing this to “flatten the tops so the cake isn’t lopsided.” Stop eating when you get to the point where your cake has huge divots.
Since you didn’t time your day out perfectly and you have plans involving whiskey, pickle juice, and PBR pounders, put cakes in air tight containers and save the task of making frosting for the next morning.
For the brown sugar cream cheese frosting:
- 1 1/4 cups light brown sugar
- 1/4 cup cornstarch
- 1/2 cup powdered sugar
- 2 8oz packages of cream cheese, room temp
- 1/2 cup butter
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
In a small bowl, thoroughly whisk together brown sugar, cornstarch, and powdered sugar. Make sure there are no big clumps. Set aside. In a large bowl, beat the cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Add the vanilla and then the sugar mixture, beating until frosting is smooth and looks like this.
To assemble, place one of the cakes on your cake dish/tray. Add a thick layer of frosting (to cover up all of the pieces of cake you ate) to the top of the cake. Place your second layer on top. Dollup huge spoonfuls of frosting
into your mouth onto the cake and smooth out the top and sides with a spatula.
*Note to self: indulging in lots of sugar when you are sleep deprived and hungover only further magnifies your state of miserableness.
Next up, adding Hazel’s favorite candy to the cake! Yes, she has a favorite candy.
Now, when decorating the cake you should definitely go by the rule of thumb “one piece of candy for the cake, three for my mouth.” Personalize the cake by making a giant H with Hazel’s favorite treat.
Package it up and bring it to the birthday girl!
Hazel clearly gets the first piece. But first, make sure she sits pretty for a picture and earns her present.
spoiled brat lovely puppy better enjoy her cake! Also, since I’m a slacker and was too busy napping off my hangover on Diane’s couch, the above picture is the only one I have showing the inside of the cake. I guess you’ll have to make it yourself to see what it looks like….or click on the link above the recipe for the original cake that blows mine out of the water (which isn’t hard to do).
Happy (belated) birthday, Hazel! You sure have grown since the first time I got to hold you!
But I still love you just as much….as long as you stop jumping up and stealing hot dogs out of my hands every time I go to eat one.