Finally, I can entertain you guys with a post about a planned eating event. You know, one where I was able to eat like I would like to eat every day of my life and not feel guilty about it. One that *gasp* doesn’t involve peanut butter! See, I do eat other things.
Like hot dogs! And beer! And when I am able to easily convince my future brother-in-law to pursue this winning combination of hot dogs and beer with me, we have ourselves a challenge. The Phillies Challenge to be exact. 9 innings of baseball, 9 hot dogs (with potato rolls!!!!), and 9 beers. Does that sound disgusting or awesome?
Any answer other than awesome is wrong.
Here’s a quick list of things necessary to make this challenge legendary:
- An awesome sister to be the Phillies Challenge Commissioner, make a rockin trophy, and be the smoker/grill chef.
- Before shots of your bellies
- Stretchy pants that will grow and expand as you do
- Hulk hands
- Pre-challenge Tums and a post-challenge laxative
Start the challenge off with two smoked hot dogs. The challenge actually began when trying to keep the hot dogs away from a puppy who suddenly developed the jumping ability of a kangaroo.
Look at those smiling faces! We were sooooooo hungry starting this challenge and, of course, the first inning was very long. We both finished our dogs and beers within 5 minutes of the game starting. As a side note, I drank Miller Lite the entire challenge. Greg was a man and mixed it up with a variety of craft beers, a couple PBRs, and ended with some Miller Lite. For the second inning, we had more smoked hot dogs. Greg and I both decided the smoked wieners were by far our favorites. And I’ve had a ton of experience tasting various sorts of wieners.
We went to have smoked hot dogs for the third inning, but there was a slight mishap involving three fallen hot dogs and a very hungry Chocolate Lab. So, we had to think quick and microwave hot dogs for the third inning. In my haste, I grabbed the first package I saw in the fridge, which evidently were Hazel’s chicken hot dogs.
Proof that we actually watched the game! Our fourth inning franks were grilled and delicious.
There was another hot dog incident that I can’t remember, but involved the grill, so we had another set of microwaved hot dogs in the fifth inning.
Do you like our lame poses? When the sixth inning arrived, we still felt great. So great, we ran outside and took our photo in the rain like cool kids.
We looked happy and felt great….until we went to eat the hot dogs. I think this was one of our slowest eating innings. Surprisingly, the beers were going down great! Also, take note of the demon dog eyeing my hot dog in the background of the above picture.
The sixth inning was actually pretty long, so it allowed us time to digest, burp, and get our game faces on. If only either of us were able to make a game face. We felt ten times better eating the seventh inning dogs than we did the sixth inning dogs. After we ate our dogs, Greg and I each decided to take very different seventh inning stretches. I went the cupcake route…
While Greg decided to draw blood…
We got him bandaged up rather quickly, and dominated some grilled hot dogs in the eighth inning. We were slow at eating them, but ate them nonetheless. Quick digression, do you like our matching shirts?? They don’t have the same meaning now that my boyfriend Hunter is no longer with the Phillies, but they were still fitting for this challenge.
And finally, we’ve arrived at the ninth inning. It was one hell of a struggle to even attempt eating these hot dogs.
We had zero energy left, and so ate our hot dogs on the floor.
Now, I am a very fast eater. Like really fast. I can clear a plate before most people have even taken a second bite…and that is nowhere near an exaggeration. So, the fact that it took me the ENTIRE ninth inning to eat one measly hot dog is pretty absurd and I am quite disappointed with myself. I actually think I finished the beer before I finished the hot dog. Since we both finished the challenge and we needed a clear winner, our commissioner decided that a speed round was in order. The first one to eat a hot dog wins the trophy.
The original speed challenge was a hot dog AND a bun, but since Hazel somehow ate 4 hot dogs and some buns, the rules had to be changed. I think all of the chemicals in the hot dogs caused her eyes to glow green.
Speed round became a single, plain hot dog. No bun. Just a hot dog on a fork. I was ready for this. A speed round?? In the bag!!
Boy was I wrong. After the first bite, I had nothing left in me and was barely able to force myself to chew. I just sat there and allowed Greg to (slowly) take the championship. And he deserved it!
We all know by now that I am an emotional eater. So, being disappointed with my inability to man up, I ate two cupcakes. And then let out a giant burp. And it felt amazing. Oh! How could I forget?! I tallied by burps because I am such a lady.
I had 54 deep belly burps. I’m pretty sure they are what kept me alive during the challenge.
Now, there were just two final tasks:
- After belly shots! My baby is due in 3 months. Seriously, my stomach got huge!! Not sure where all of Greg’s food went.
- Final weigh in. I gained six pounds and Greg gained four. Why is there such a difference?
In case you were wondering, neither of us was drunk. Just full. And apparently tired.
Can’t wait for redemption in 2013!!
Also, be sure to check out Diane’s Phillies Challenge recap HERE because it’s more awesome than mine.