Leave a comment

True Life: My Food Blog is Making Me Fat

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.  The amount of sugar I consumed tonight is probably more than enough to fill the Slate Rock and Gravel Quarry:

(Hi Fred)

I really let loose tonight. Like for real. Like let loose more than 80s/90s power hour in NYC a few months ago….

Except in a totally different, less fun, more uncomfortable, curl up in the fetal position and die type of way.  SUGAR IS THE ENEMY.  I don’t know why I do this to myself day in and day out.  Woof. And you know what? I knew at 7:45 this morning when I was standing in the grocery store that I would feel this exact way right now.  How did I know that?  Because at 7:45 this morning I laid eyes on THIS:

Yes, you are reading that jar correctly.  Peanut butter. Honey. Chocolate chips. COOKIE DOUGH flavor. Oh my goodness. How could I NOT buy this peanut butter????? While up until 3 hours ago that jar made my mouth water like whoa, seeing this picture now really makes me want to throw up.  Just looking at it magnifies my pounding sugar headache.

After noticing that this peanut butter was gluten free and remembering I owe my boss a gluten free treat, I spent the majority of my morning thinking up something awesome to make.  Clearly I know diddly squat about anything gluten free.  I have a stomach of steel and don’t worry about such nonsense.  So it’s a wonder this recipe even turned out.  Seeing how the dough looked before I put it in the oven, I had zero faith in these cookies.  I thought I was going to have to trash them, make some lame chocolate chip cookies that were full of gluten, tell everyone they were gluten free, and then when my boss got sick tell her it was probably the onset of a rare disease that developed from some obscure bug found on horses.

Luckily, the cookies turned out.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

(gluten free)

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups almond meal/almond flour
  • 1 cup oat flour (I ground up some GF oats)
  • 1 1/3 cups peanut butter of choice
  • 2 eggs
  • 2/3 cup honey
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips (I used dark chocolate)

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350*.

In a large mixing bowl, cream together peanut butter of choice, eggs, vanilla, and honey.  There may or may not be more than the necessary amount of peanut butter in there.  I actually didn’t measure.  I ate about 1/3 of the jar today and just wanted the rest gone.  It might be more like 1.5 cups of peanut butter.  Whatever.

In a smaller bowl combine flours, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon.  Slowly combine into the peanut buttery goodness.  Add your chocolate chips.  Let’s time out for a second.  I bought these chocolate chips after work today.  I got in the car and wanted a couple but said nooooooooo wait until you get home.  Then my inner fat kid told my stupid conscience to shut the hell up and I opened the chocolate chips and had a few chips  handfuls in the car.  So as I was spooning peanut butter and chocolate chips into my mouth while I waited for the rolled oats to become flour in the food processor, I knew the madness had to stop.  After deciding all of the peanut butter had to go, I decided the chocolate chips had to say sayonara as well.  So I added the rest of the bag, or about 2ish cups.  Boy did this idea backfire.

You can’t tell from this picture, but there are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too many chocolate chips for this dough.  A good majority of them ended up on the bottom of the bowl.  I didn’t want to be wasteful and trash them, so while these went into the oven…

I sat eating the sunken chocolate chips, watching Dawson’s Creek, and wondering how the heck I ever had a crush on THIS face

Is it just me or is he incredibly unattractive in his younger years?  He didn’t get cute until Varsity Blues, and even then he didn’t really do it for me. That forehead.  Man. Rough life.

I’m going to hell.

After 10-12 minutes of eating chocolate chips and thinking about how Joshua Jackson would make the perfect stepfather to Suri, take your cookies out of the oven.

Since the dough was super super sticky, I was incredibly nervous about these.  So I tested one to see how it was.  Then I figured out of the 35 cookies in various shapes and sizes, eating one cookie was not going to give me an accurate tasting.  Neither was two.  Three cookies.  That’s how many it took for me to decide these were decent enough to be eaten by others.

The cookies I ate were semi crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside.  You can definitely tell they aren’t normal cookies, but they are still delightful nonetheless.  Once the cookies cool, pack them up and get them ready for work.  And then eat one more just to make sure they are still okay.

All of the sugar I consumed tonight is either going to power me through my 11 mile run tomorrow morning or have me throwing up every mile.

I feel it may be the latter. Ugh.

On the bright side, there’s no more peanut butter or chocolate left in my apartment.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: