Today was a bad day. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Why, you ask? My boyfriend (the love of my life and future father of my children) is moving to San Francisco. Long distance relationships are very tough, and his busy schedule is going to make it even tougher. You see, my boyfriend’s name is Hunter. Hunter Pence to be exact. You all know him….(former) right fielder for the Phillies. I mean, just look at this stunner…
He is one sexy mofo and I will miss him dearly. Ok, fine. We’ve never met (shocker). And I’m sure if he were to read this I would soon have a restraining order handed to me. I did take the above picture, though. And he looked right at me. That smoldering look in his eyes? He was totally picturing things (involving me, clearly) that are far too inappropriate to speak about on this blog. Actually, let’s be real. I was the only one picturing inappropriate things. He was probably trying to signal security to come and drag me away.
Anyways, this post does have a point. I really don’t want Hunter to leave and in between all of the tears today, I did some brainstorming of ways to get him to stay. And only one thing really stood out.
Men love bacon. It’s the way to their hearts. You could serve a man a few strips of bacon sandwiched between some more bacon and I’m pretty sure it would be one of his top 5 favorite meals. So, that’s what I knew I needed to do to get my man to stay. Bacon, bacon, bacon. But anyone could give Hunter some bacon. I needed to use bacon in a way that would really stand out. Make him remember it. Make him want to stay (with me). Or, better yet, make him take me to San Fran with him. What did I come up with? Maple….bacon….donut holes…..with maple….bacon…..frosting. I’m pretty sure he heard me type those words and took his pants off.
For the donut holes:
- 1 3/4 c whole wheat flour
- 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
- 1/3 c applesauce (or oil)
- 3/4 c sugar
- 1 egg
- 3/4 c milk (I use almond milk)
- 1 1/2 Tbs maple syrup
- 4 strips of bacon
- bacon grease
For the maple bacon frosting:
- 3 Tbs bacon grease/butter mixture
- 1 1/2 – 2 cups powdered sugar
- 6-7 tablespoons maple syrup
- 1/2 Tbs vanilla
- 6 strips bacon, for topping
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Cook your bacon. I cooked mine up in a skillet, on low heat, and didn’t drain any grease during the process. So, by the time the last set of bacon strips went into the pan, they looked like they were about to drown.
As the bacon finishes, lay it on top of a paper towel covered plate to absorb any extra grease. Take 4 strips of bacon and run them through your food processor until they are a super fine consistency. Put aside.
Add applesauce, sugar, egg, and milk to a large bowl, whisking until combined. Add some of the excess bacon grease and stir some more. I think I added about 1/6 of a cup.
In a smaller bowl, combine flour, baking powder, salt, and pumpkin pie spice. Add your dry ingredients to your wet and and stir to combine. Now add the bacon pieces and stir again.
Grease mini muffin pans and dollop mixture into each slot.
Bake at 350* for 15 minutes. Once muffins…I mean donut holes… are done, shake/remove from the pans and lay on a cooling rack to…cool.
While muffins are cooling, make your frosting. Combine 2 Tbs of softened butter with the rest of the bacon grease, heat up until the butter just melts, and whisk to combine. Pour 3 Tbs of mixture into a large bowl, along with your powdered sugar and vanilla. I started with 1 1/2 cups of sugar. Start whisking and slowly add the maple syrup, one teaspoon at a time. Here’s where you kind of just play around with it until it gets the taste and consistency that you like. I ended up using just over 3 Tbs of butter/grease, 1 3/4 c powdered sugar, 1/2 Tbs vanilla (eyeballed), and probably 7 Tbs maple syrup.
Once the frosting looks and tastes like something Hunter Pence might enjoy eating off of you…err eating off of a donut, you can dip and swirl the tops of your donut holes into the frosting.
Now, take about 6 strips of bacon and pulse in your food processor until they are roughly chopped. Or you could just chop them yourself.
Sprinkle the bacon over the donut holes until they look delicious like this:
Now, wrap them up in pretty, pretty paper and hand deliver to Hunter Pence…naked. I mean, just kidding (not really). But seriously, if these bad boys don’t make him stay, I don’t think anything will.
Oh, and you are totally going to have some extra icing and bacon left. Here’s what you do with that.
Step 1- Put icing on a spoon
Step 2- Put bacon on top of icing
Step 3- Eat
Step 4- Repeat until there’s none left.