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I Baked a Cake for a Dog

Thank goodness blogging is not my full-time job because I would currently be broke and living on the street.  I definitely peaked with my second post, forgot how to be witty, and then just became too lazy to write any new posts since Labor Day.  I haven’t done much baking.  In fact I’ve only baked one thing, which I’ll get to in a minute.  Instead, my life can be summed up in one picture:

Ok, two pictures.

Unfortunately, this pup and I have a lot in common:

Speaking of puppies, my most recent baking attempt was for my dear fur niece, Hazel! She turned one last week and her birthday party (yes, her birthday party) was in dire need of a cake.  My initial plan was to make a “dog friendly” cake…aka super bland with chopped up hot dogs. But, then what would I eat??? I’ve been known to eat some pretty questionable things (mainly when I turn into a drunken scavenger), but I definitely draw the line at dog food.  And no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to write another post involving Funfetti.  So, what did I come up with?

Snickerdoodle Cake with Brown Sugar Cream Cheese Frosting

Adapted from Foodie with Family whose cake looks a lot prettier than mine


For the cake:

  • 1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 cups cake flour
  • 1 Tbs baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 Tbs cinnamon
  • 2 sticks butter, softened
  • 1 3/4 cups granulated sugar
  • 4 large eggs, room temp
  • 1 Tbs vanilla extract
  • 1 1/4 cups milk, room temp (I used skim)


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Butter and flour two round cake pans.  Don’t ask me how to do this correctly because once I buttered the pans, I threw on a handful of flour and attempted to sift it around the pans.  Too bad I ended up sifting the flour all over myself and my counter.

Cut up your butter and drop it in your mixer.

Add in the sugar and cream together until light and fluffy.  While you wait, whisk together your flours, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon in a mixing bowl.

Once your butter and sugar are creamed and fluffy, add in your eggs one at a time, waiting until each egg is fully incorporated before cracking the next one.  Beat in the vanilla and make sure the sides of your bowl are scraped down.  Your batter will look like fresh egg custard.  Clearly I have to taste it every step of the way, and I must say I wanted to eat this entire bowl.  Mental note: butter, sugar, eggs, and vanilla  make one amazing treat.

Add in about 1/3 of the milk, beat until incorporated, add in 1/3 of the flour mixture, beat to incorporate.  Continue this two more times.  For someone who has zero patience when it comes to life baking, I’m surprised that I followed these steps and didn’t just throw everything in at once.  I think it’s because her royal highness, Diane Hazel wouldn’t dare eat something sloppily made. HA, I kid. She eats poop, she better like this cake.

Make sure the sides of your bowl are scraped down and everything is fully mixed together.  Taste batter once again.  Then twice again.  Then once more for good measure.

Divide the batter evenly between the two cake pans.  Place in oven for 35 minutes or until knife comes out clean.  Since my oven is on the smaller side, the cake pans had to go on two different shelves.  Halfway through the pans swapped shelves in the oven.

My cakes were surprisingly done on time and came out of their pans faster than I come out of my pants on a Saturday night.  Drop cakes on a cooling rack.  Remind yourself that they are going to soon be covered in icing and break off a piece of one of the sides.  Then when you flip them over, eat some of the top layers.  Eat some more and tell yourself you are doing this to “flatten the tops so the cake isn’t lopsided.”  Stop eating when you get to the point where your cake has huge divots.

Since you didn’t time your day out perfectly and you have plans involving whiskey, pickle juice, and PBR pounders, put cakes in air tight containers and save the task of making frosting for the next morning.

For the brown sugar cream cheese frosting:

  • 1 1/4 cups light brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup cornstarch
  • 1/2 cup powdered sugar
  • 2 8oz packages of cream cheese, room temp
  • 1/2 cup butter
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract


In a small bowl, thoroughly whisk together brown sugar, cornstarch, and powdered sugar.  Make sure there are no big clumps.  Set aside.  In a large bowl,  beat the cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Add the vanilla and then the sugar mixture, beating until frosting is smooth and looks like this.

To assemble, place one of the cakes on your cake dish/tray.  Add a thick layer of frosting (to cover up all of the pieces of cake you ate) to the top of the cake.  Place your second layer on top.  Dollup huge spoonfuls of frosting into your mouth onto the cake and smooth out the top and sides with a spatula.

*Note to self: indulging in lots of sugar when you are sleep deprived and hungover only further magnifies your state of miserableness.

Next up, adding Hazel’s favorite candy to the cake! Yes, she has a favorite candy.

Now, when decorating the cake you should definitely go by the rule of thumb “one piece of candy for the cake, three for my mouth.”  Personalize the cake by making a giant H with Hazel’s favorite treat.

Package it up and bring it to the birthday girl!

Hazel clearly gets the first piece. But first, make sure she sits pretty for a picture and earns her present.

That spoiled brat lovely puppy better enjoy her cake! Also, since I’m a slacker and was too busy napping off my hangover on Diane’s couch, the above picture is the only one I have showing the inside of the cake.  I guess you’ll have to make it yourself to see what it looks like….or click on the link above the recipe for the original cake that blows mine out of the water (which isn’t hard to do).

Happy (belated) birthday, Hazel! You sure have grown since the first time I got to hold you!

But I still love you just as much….as long as you stop jumping up and stealing hot dogs out of my hands every time I go to eat one.

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Cake Batter Up and Down the East Coast

Say hi to two of my best buds

We go way back. Back to a time before big sunglasses were cool.

Back to a time before we were even cool.

Ok, we’re still not cool.

Even though we like to think we are.

You see, unfortunately for me, my two best buds live in NY and DC.  So when they both have birthdays around the same time and I don’t get to celebrate with either of them, I do the next best thing.  Bake for them and send lovely care packages!  I almost nixed the idea of baking, but then I remembered I mailed Cabato a birthday card last week with the promise of a sweet treat coming in the near future.  So, rather than recovering from the Phillies Challenge with vegetables and water, I recovered with Funfetti.  Yes, more Funfetti! I had to use up the rest of the cake mix from the Rice Krispie treats. Lies. I finished that box up last Friday at lunch when I made myself a crapload of cake batter pancakes.

What treats did I decide to make these fine ladies?  Why Cake Batter Muddy Buddies (or Puppy Chow) and Cake Batter Pudding Cookies, of course! Let’s start with the muddy buddies. Sidenote: I made these on a rainy, dreary day with no sunlight, sooo my pictures are crap. Just a heads up!

Cake Batter Muddy Buddies


  • 5 cups Rice Chex cereal
  • 10 oz white candy melts (or vanilla Almond Bark or white chocolate)
  • 3/4 cup Funfetti cake mix
  • 1/4 cup powdered sugar
  • sprinkles


Measure out 5 cups of Chex, put in a medium mixing bowl.  In a larger bowl or Tupperware container, mix together the cake mix and powdered sugar.  Set both bowls aside.  We have to move fast with this one, so it’s best to have all of your ingredients ready.

Pour the candy melts into a microwave safe bowl and heat for 30 second intervals at 50% power, being sure to stir the candies every 30 seconds to avoid burning and botching the whole recipe.  Alternatively, you can use a double boiler on your stove.

Once your vanilla candy melts are melted, pour into the bowl of Chex and mix until the cereal is covered in vanilla goodness.  Then add however many sprinkles make you happy and stir some more.

Slowly pour the Chex mixture into the cake mix/powdered sugar mixture

Put the lid on your Tupperware and give it a good shake.  You can also just use a big bowl and mix everything with a spatula or place in a giant ziploc bag and shake it up.  However you decide to do it, it should look like this when you are done.

Taste test half the batch a few pieces to make sure it’s acceptable to mail to your friends.  Realize how delicious it is, contemplate keeping it for yourself, remind yourself you ate 9 hot dogs the night before, come to your senses, and place in two baggies to mail to Lynns and Cabato.

Now, onto the cookies!!

Cake Batter Pudding Cookies

makes about 30 cookies (or more, depending on amount of  dough consumption)


  • 3/4 cup Funfetti cake mix
  • 2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 (3.4 oz) package of instant vanilla pudding
  • 3/4 cup butter, softened
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 3/4 cup brown sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 cup sprinkles


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Gather all of your ingredients together for a cool group shot.

Cream together butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar.  Once that is good and creamy, add in your packet of pudding and Funfetti,  Blend in vanilla and eggs.

In a small bowl, mix together flour, salt and baking soda.  Slowly pour into your batter and mix until just incorporated.  Pour in your sprinkles (don’t be shy) and mix a little more.

Roll dough into balls (or use a dough scooper doohickey <—technical term), place on baking sheet, and bake for 10-12 minutes.  I found 11 minutes to be the magic number.  Let cool for a minute and then transfer to a cooling rack.  Take some horrible pictures.

There were an uneven amount of cookies, so I ate three to even them out…because one is never enough.  Put your cookies in little baggies and, along with the muddy buddies, place into the lovely care packages for your two lovely ladies.  And since you really really miss your friends because they are the best around, take some time reminiscing by going through old pictures and finding ones of the three of you.

Cue photo montage of why we are the best of friends:

We accept each other’s inappropriateness

We don’t discriminate due to height

And we’re great at standing in descending height order 

We’re really good at being awkward

Maybe a little too good at it 

We used to be great at underage drinking

But then we grew up…and became really good at legally drinking

We have great taste in baseball teams

We’re all unable to pull off being thugs 

We’re always on the same page when it comes to coordinating colors and outfits

But mainly we’re awesome because we love, support, and teach each other so much everyday, and I am eternally grateful to have known these two fine biotches for the past 13 years.  Here’s hoping 27 is your year, ladies!


A True Eating Challenge

Finally, I can entertain you guys with a post about a planned eating event.  You know, one where I was able to eat like I would like to eat every day of my life and not feel guilty about it.  One that *gasp* doesn’t involve peanut butter!  See, I do eat other things.

Like hot dogs! And beer! And when I am able to easily convince my future brother-in-law to pursue this winning combination of hot dogs and beer with me, we have ourselves a challenge.  The Phillies Challenge to be exact.  9 innings of baseball, 9 hot dogs (with potato rolls!!!!), and 9 beers. Does that sound disgusting or awesome?

Any answer other than awesome is wrong.

Here’s a quick list of things necessary to make this challenge legendary:

  1. An awesome sister to be the Phillies Challenge Commissioner, make a rockin trophy, and be the smoker/grill chef.
  2. Before shots of your bellies
  3. Stretchy pants that will grow and expand as you do
  4. Hulk hands
  5. Pre-challenge Tums and a post-challenge laxative

Start the challenge off with two smoked hot dogs. The challenge actually began when trying to keep the hot dogs away from a puppy who suddenly developed the jumping ability of a kangaroo.

Look at those smiling faces! We were sooooooo hungry starting this challenge and, of course, the first inning was very long.  We both finished our dogs and beers within 5 minutes of the game starting. As a side note, I drank Miller Lite the entire challenge. Greg was a man and mixed it up with a variety of craft beers, a couple PBRs, and ended with some Miller Lite. For the second inning, we had more smoked hot dogs.  Greg and I both decided the smoked wieners were by far our favorites.  And I’ve had a ton of experience tasting various sorts of wieners.

We went to have smoked hot dogs for the third inning, but there was a slight mishap involving three fallen hot dogs and a very hungry Chocolate Lab. So, we had to think quick and microwave hot dogs for the third inning.  In my haste, I grabbed the first package I saw in the fridge, which evidently were Hazel’s chicken hot dogs.

Proof that we actually watched the game! Our fourth inning franks were grilled and delicious.

There was another hot dog incident that I can’t remember, but involved the grill, so we had another set of microwaved hot dogs in the fifth inning.

Do you like our lame poses? When the sixth inning arrived, we still felt great.  So great, we ran outside and took our photo in the rain like cool kids.

We looked happy and felt great….until we went to eat the hot dogs.  I think this was one of our slowest eating innings.  Surprisingly, the beers were going down great! Also, take note of the demon dog eyeing my hot dog in the background of the above picture.

The sixth inning was actually pretty long, so it allowed us time to digest, burp, and get our game faces on.  If only either of us were able to make a game face.  We felt ten times better eating the seventh inning dogs than we did the sixth inning dogs.  After we ate our dogs, Greg and I each decided to take very different seventh inning stretches.  I went the cupcake route…

While Greg decided to draw blood…

We got him bandaged up rather quickly, and dominated some grilled hot dogs in the eighth inning.  We were slow at eating them, but ate them nonetheless. Quick digression, do you like our matching shirts?? They don’t have the same meaning now that my boyfriend Hunter is no longer with the Phillies, but they were still fitting for this challenge.

And finally, we’ve arrived at the ninth inning.  It was one hell of a struggle to even attempt eating these hot dogs.

We had zero energy left, and so ate our hot dogs on the floor.

Now, I am a very fast eater.  Like really fast.  I can clear a plate before most people have even taken a second bite…and that is nowhere near an exaggeration.  So, the fact that it took me the ENTIRE ninth inning to eat one measly hot dog is pretty absurd and I am quite disappointed with myself.  I actually think I finished the beer before I finished the hot dog. Since we both finished the challenge and we needed a clear winner, our commissioner decided that a speed round was in order.  The first one to eat a hot dog wins the trophy.

The original speed challenge was a hot dog AND a bun, but since Hazel somehow ate 4 hot dogs and some buns, the rules had to be changed.  I think all of the chemicals in the hot dogs caused her eyes to glow green.

Speed round became a single, plain hot dog. No bun.  Just a hot dog on a fork.  I was ready for this.  A speed round?? In the bag!!

Boy was I wrong.  After the first bite, I had nothing left in me and was barely able to force myself to chew.  I just sat there and allowed Greg to (slowly) take the championship.  And he deserved it!

We all know by now that I am an emotional eater.  So, being disappointed with my inability to man up, I ate two cupcakes.  And then let out a giant burp.  And it felt amazing. Oh! How could I forget?! I tallied by burps because I am such a lady.

I had 54 deep belly burps.  I’m pretty sure they are what kept me alive during the challenge.

Now, there were just two final tasks:

  1. After belly shots! My baby is due in 3 months. Seriously, my stomach got huge!! Not sure where all of Greg’s food went.
  2. Final weigh in.  I gained six pounds and Greg gained four.  Why is there such a difference?

In case you were wondering, neither of us was drunk.  Just full.  And apparently tired.

Can’t wait for redemption in 2013!!

Also, be sure to check out Diane’s Phillies Challenge recap HERE because it’s more awesome than mine.

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Funfetti Makes the World a Happier Place

When you work in the financial services industry, the summer is slow.  So, when my old pal MK decided to come back to work as a “guest” this summer, she really helped to entertain me.  And by entertain me, I mean we spent the majority of June talking about the emptiness we were feeling after finishing Fifty Shades of Grey and Google imaging our movie casting choices.  July was spent singing Call Me Maybe over and over again.  August was spent talking about how we don’t talk about Fifty Shades of Grey anymore.

On MK’s last day, the treat of choice were cake batter rice krispie treats…BOOM! So easy and yet so delicious.  These have been popping up all over the web because life is just more fun with Funfetti.

Cake Batter Rice Krispie Treats


  • 6 cups Rice Krispies cereal (or use generic if you are cheap like me)
  • 4 Tbs butter
  • 1 (10 oz) bag of mini marshmallows
  • 2/3 cup of Funfetti cake mix
  • sprinkles


In a large saucepan, melt your butter. Most recipes call for 3 Tbs of butter, but since I upped the amount of Funfetti, I added an extra tablespoon. Once butter is melted, pour in the whole bag of marshmallows.  Stir constantly until marshmallows are melted and mixed with the butter. Remove from heat. Pour in your rice krispies and cake batter and stir until everything is mixed.  Then shake in some sprinkles for color.

Line a 9×13 dish with wax paper and spray with baking spray.  Dump rice krispies onto the wax paper and try to spread out as evenly as possible.  Since you can never have too many, top with more sprinkles.

Let sit for at least half an hour.  Of course you can sample while it’s still warm.  Where do you think this corner went? Into my belly, duhhhh.

Once they are cool, cut them into squares and store in an air tight container.

Since your wondering, yes I ate four of these squares while I was cutting them.

Also, before you put that box of leftover cake mix away, you should probably do the following:

  1. Pour some mix into a small measuring cup
  2. Add a little milk
  3. Stir together and enjoy some egg free cake batter (it tastes better than it looks, I promise!)
  4. Repeat as many times as needed (my magic number was three)

When MK and I email, there are no words.  There are just someecards…all of which involve Fifty Shades of Grey, Disney, Call Me Maybe, Pinterest, or being fat. We’re someecard kindred spirits.  So it’s only fitting that my final farewell to MK is a montage of every fabulous someecard that reminds me of our precious time together.  If I did this correctly, you can click on one and they should make a little slideshow. Enjoy!

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Almond Pound Cake

I’ve been lazy. And fat. But mainly lazy.  I’ve taken tons of pictures of everything I’ve eaten…and drank…but have just been too lazy to actually write about it all.  Apparently sitting on my couch rubbing my food baby belly and telling myself “I’m giving up sugar tomorrow” each night has been more important than attempting to entertain you fine people.

Well, I’m back. I’m sort of bored today and figured this was better than shopping with money I don’t have.  Before we dive into my most recent accomplishment, here’s a quick recap of some of the things I’ve been eating.

Oh, and how could I forget my most recent baking fail?? I attempted to make my mom a lovely peach cornbread.  Keyword: attempted.  Something just was not right. Maybe  it was the whole wheat flour. Or the creamed corn. Or not enough sugar. Or the peaches messed up the consistency. Or the measurements were off.  Or a combination of all of the above.  Clearly I know nothing about baking without a recipe, so my first real attempt at winging it didn’t quite work.  It looked very pretty coming out of the oven…

When I cut it, it looked like this:

Cooked on the outside, corn mush pudding on the inside.  Definitely not a recipe I’m going to post.  I even gave it to my parents with a note saying something to the effect of “feel free to throw this out because it’s nasty.”

So here I am today; bored and with a crazy sweet tooth. I had planned on making another attempt at baking with peaches, but they were getting too ripe a couple of days ago and I had to eat them. Instead I made something I’ve been wanting to make for awhile.  Almond pound cake! Well, I guess it’s more of a yogurt cake than a pound cake…but it tastes just as delicious!

Almond Pound Cake


  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup almond meal
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt
  • 1/2 cup applesauce
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2/3 teaspoon almond extract
  • pinch salt
  • almond slivers, for garnish


Preheat oven to 350*

Combine sugar, yogurt, applesauce, eggs, vanilla extract, and almond extract in a bowl

In a small bowl, combine flour, almond meal, baking powder, and salt.  Slowly pour into wet ingredients.

The batter is going to be pretty thin.  This initially made my very nervous because it’s pound cake without any butter and no fatty substitutions to take its place.  I used fat free Greek yogurt  and applesauce.  I was actually just short of a half cup of applesauce, so I drizzled some oil in the measuring cup to make up the difference.

Pour batter into greased loaf pan.

Why yes, I do take pictures while sitting on my living room floor because it’s the only natural light I get. Maybe once I stop being lazy I’ll find some pretty tablecloths, place mats, and scrapbook paper so you don’t have to stare at my dull carpet.

Oh look, a change of scenery! This picture was taken on my couch haha. Garnish your (very thin) batter with slivered almonds and place in the oven for 50-55 minutes.

Pass the time with some Dawson’s Creek and a lovely glass of iced coffee.

Side note: seeing this glass makes two very contrasting emotions arise inside of me.  First is anxiety.  I trained like a mofo for this race, gave it my all for six brutal miles and then gave in to unbearable humidity for the remaining 7.1.  It took a lot out of me and pretty much turned me off of running long distances all summer. This normally wouldn’t be a bad thing, but seeing as I have another half marathon in two weeks that I haven’t trained for, you can understand my anxiety.  Too much summer boozing, not enough running.

The second emotion this glass makes me feel is pure joy because I met the love of my life after I finished this race…Adam Joseph! I was so nervous I spilled my beer on him and was a stuttering mess…aka my typical, awkward self. At least he still smiled in a picture with me.

Well, our pound cake is now done! I cooked mine for 55 minutes, stuck a knife in, and did a little happy dance when it came out clean. Your finished product should look something like this, if not prettier.

Let it cool, slice it up into nine or so pieces, and then eat three of the said pieces.  The only reason I didn’t eat more was because I remembered that I baked this pound cake for my mom.  And I should probably shower real quick and deliver these to her before she reads this post and starts tapping her foot.

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True Life: My Food Blog is Making Me Fat

I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.  The amount of sugar I consumed tonight is probably more than enough to fill the Slate Rock and Gravel Quarry:

(Hi Fred)

I really let loose tonight. Like for real. Like let loose more than 80s/90s power hour in NYC a few months ago….

Except in a totally different, less fun, more uncomfortable, curl up in the fetal position and die type of way.  SUGAR IS THE ENEMY.  I don’t know why I do this to myself day in and day out.  Woof. And you know what? I knew at 7:45 this morning when I was standing in the grocery store that I would feel this exact way right now.  How did I know that?  Because at 7:45 this morning I laid eyes on THIS:

Yes, you are reading that jar correctly.  Peanut butter. Honey. Chocolate chips. COOKIE DOUGH flavor. Oh my goodness. How could I NOT buy this peanut butter????? While up until 3 hours ago that jar made my mouth water like whoa, seeing this picture now really makes me want to throw up.  Just looking at it magnifies my pounding sugar headache.

After noticing that this peanut butter was gluten free and remembering I owe my boss a gluten free treat, I spent the majority of my morning thinking up something awesome to make.  Clearly I know diddly squat about anything gluten free.  I have a stomach of steel and don’t worry about such nonsense.  So it’s a wonder this recipe even turned out.  Seeing how the dough looked before I put it in the oven, I had zero faith in these cookies.  I thought I was going to have to trash them, make some lame chocolate chip cookies that were full of gluten, tell everyone they were gluten free, and then when my boss got sick tell her it was probably the onset of a rare disease that developed from some obscure bug found on horses.

Luckily, the cookies turned out.

Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

(gluten free)


  • 2 cups almond meal/almond flour
  • 1 cup oat flour (I ground up some GF oats)
  • 1 1/3 cups peanut butter of choice
  • 2 eggs
  • 2/3 cup honey
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips (I used dark chocolate)


Preheat oven to 350*.

In a large mixing bowl, cream together peanut butter of choice, eggs, vanilla, and honey.  There may or may not be more than the necessary amount of peanut butter in there.  I actually didn’t measure.  I ate about 1/3 of the jar today and just wanted the rest gone.  It might be more like 1.5 cups of peanut butter.  Whatever.

In a smaller bowl combine flours, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon.  Slowly combine into the peanut buttery goodness.  Add your chocolate chips.  Let’s time out for a second.  I bought these chocolate chips after work today.  I got in the car and wanted a couple but said nooooooooo wait until you get home.  Then my inner fat kid told my stupid conscience to shut the hell up and I opened the chocolate chips and had a few chips  handfuls in the car.  So as I was spooning peanut butter and chocolate chips into my mouth while I waited for the rolled oats to become flour in the food processor, I knew the madness had to stop.  After deciding all of the peanut butter had to go, I decided the chocolate chips had to say sayonara as well.  So I added the rest of the bag, or about 2ish cups.  Boy did this idea backfire.

You can’t tell from this picture, but there are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too many chocolate chips for this dough.  A good majority of them ended up on the bottom of the bowl.  I didn’t want to be wasteful and trash them, so while these went into the oven…

I sat eating the sunken chocolate chips, watching Dawson’s Creek, and wondering how the heck I ever had a crush on THIS face

Is it just me or is he incredibly unattractive in his younger years?  He didn’t get cute until Varsity Blues, and even then he didn’t really do it for me. That forehead.  Man. Rough life.

I’m going to hell.

After 10-12 minutes of eating chocolate chips and thinking about how Joshua Jackson would make the perfect stepfather to Suri, take your cookies out of the oven.

Since the dough was super super sticky, I was incredibly nervous about these.  So I tested one to see how it was.  Then I figured out of the 35 cookies in various shapes and sizes, eating one cookie was not going to give me an accurate tasting.  Neither was two.  Three cookies.  That’s how many it took for me to decide these were decent enough to be eaten by others.

The cookies I ate were semi crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside.  You can definitely tell they aren’t normal cookies, but they are still delightful nonetheless.  Once the cookies cool, pack them up and get them ready for work.  And then eat one more just to make sure they are still okay.

All of the sugar I consumed tonight is either going to power me through my 11 mile run tomorrow morning or have me throwing up every mile.

I feel it may be the latter. Ugh.

On the bright side, there’s no more peanut butter or chocolate left in my apartment.


White Chocolate Peanut Butter Pretzel Blondies

It’s a wonder I have any ingredients left to even make these blondies.  We all remember what happened with the peanut butter last week. Well, it’s a good thing I was away all weekend because otherwise there would be zero peanut butter left and this recipe wasn’t going to happen. Actually, I came home from the gym yesterday morning and dipped some pretzels into this peanut butter…and then when I realized I needed to save what was left of the peanut butter and pretzels, I went ahead and ate some (ok, half a brick) of leftover fontina cheese.   At 7:30 AM.  Why do I have fontina cheese, you ask? Because me and this chick had a CRAZY Friday night.

It started out innocent enough with the idea to make THESE amazing nachos…with the addition of black beans and a block of queso fresco because you can never have too much cheese. Clearly ours didn’t look as delicious as How Sweet’s looks, but I’m sure they tasted just as yummy. See, check out our cute little set up.

Aaaaand let’s get a close up.

We were very proud of ourselves for eating about half of the nachos before putting them in the kitchen and out of sight. We then settled in with a bottle of wine and, you guessed it, some episodes of White Collar.

Dreaaaaaaaaam boat! I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Soon enough, our sweet tooths kicked in and we went to town on left over toffee bits and white chocolate chips.  They are one amaaaazing combination. If there’s any left after I emotional eat because I can’t marry Matt Bomer make the below blondies, there may be a toffee/white chocolate chip recipe in your future. Oh, and before I forget, the rest of the nachos got devoured before I took Kristin to the train station on Friday night.  Yup, nachos made for eight people were devoured by two.  Fatties of the world unite! Just your typical, run-of-the-mill single girl Friday night.

So, these blondies.  The ones that I was supposed to make last Thursday but chose to run 8 miles and stuff my face with a fatty, greasy dinner instead.  Then they were supposed to be made on Sunday, but I chose to go to bed instead. Soooo they were made last night.  I promise they were worth the wait!  There is absolutely nothing healthy about this recipe.   No applesauce, no whole wheat flour, no fruit, no veggies. There are, however, two sticks of butter! Yum!  And this is why I made these blondies Monday night after a morning that consisted of running 3 miles, spinning for 45 minutes, and then kicking my own butt with 45 minutes of lifting.  Oh, and then going for a lovely stroll  at night with my dear friend Lisa after these baked to help ease the cramping in my stomach from the sugar shock I put it in. That’s what too many white chocolate chips and three giant squares of these bars will do to you.  I’m definitely going to die an early (but happy) death.

White Chocolate Peanut Butter Pretzel Blondies

(I really need to work on shortening the names of my concoctions)


1 c butter (2 sticks)
1 c brown sugar, packed
1/2 c white sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 c all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt
1/2 c peanut butter
1 c white chocolate chips
1 1/2 c pretzels, crushed
Preheat over to 350*
Start by browning your butter.  I’m not the best at this because I have a crazy fear that I will burn the butter, but it seems like it turned out.  Need a butter browning tutorial?  Check this out.
Pour browned butter in a large mixing bowl and allow to cool down for a few minutes.  Add brown sugar and mix until creamy.  Add white sugar. Mix until it looks like root beer water ice (seriously). Add the eggs and vanilla. Once that is combined, add the peanut butter. You can definitely use more peanut butter, in fact I recommend it, but I only had half a cup left.  Damn you binge eating!!!
In a smaller bowl, combine flour, salt, and baking soda. Slowly add to the rest of the mixture.  Once combined, pour in your white chocolate chips.  Ignore the sounds your KitchenAid motor makes because your dough is too thick for it to handle (don’t you just hate when it’s too thick to handle? Nope, me neither). Add in 1 cup of the crushed pretzels, let them mix until they seem well combined, and then console your overheating KitchenAid.
Line a 9×13 baking dish with parchment paper. Press dough into the  dish and spread evenly.  Top with the remaining 1/2 c of crushed pretzels.  Since this was the bottom of my pretzel bag, I also took all of the salt on the bottom and sprinkled it on top.  These bars are definitely sweet, so the extra salt is a fabulous balance.
Bake at 350* for 30 minutes.   Let blondies sit in the dish for about an hour to cool. I let mine sit for about 20 minutes before cutting them because I am impatient and really just wanted to gobble these suckers down.
Come over anytime and help me eat these.  Please bring milk.  And sweat pants.